Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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