who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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