Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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