I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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