he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize