I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize