I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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