man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
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True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
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This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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