mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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