It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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