I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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