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Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
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