Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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