I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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