You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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