I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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