I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
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IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
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Everyone says I win the strip club
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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