Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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