i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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