I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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