where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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