just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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