So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize