hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
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Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
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yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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