Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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