i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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