she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize