You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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