the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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