yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
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Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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