Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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