there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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