I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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