we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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