This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
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Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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