I accidentally had phone sex last night
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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