I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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