Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
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i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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