hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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