I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the condom got lost in my hair
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize