Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
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on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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