so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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