i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i now understand why vodka
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize