im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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