This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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