I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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