Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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