im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize