so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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