Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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